


The Enigma of Romance

by catboyleo



Category: Original Work, freeform - Fandom
Genre: And then one scene with a minor and an adult which is rape of course but of a different context, Anyways, Both bad just different triggers????, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gen, Grooming, High School, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Skins (UK), It's been so long since I wrote this but this was absolutely vaguely based off of Skins UK, Love, Manipulation, Music, Only one explicit rape scene, PoC, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Real Life, SO, Sad, Slice of Life, There is not a single white person in this story, except Nathan bc fuck Nathan, whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:48:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboyleo/pseuds/catboyleo
Summary: I started this story in 2013... that should enough to tell you why the plot is "like that" sometimes
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this story in 2013... that should enough to tell you why the plot is "like that" sometimes

Five o'clock am. Just like every morning, the sun wasn't up, I was alone, and my room remained a mess. This morning, however, was my first day of school and right now I couldn't be more anxious. I didn't particularly like my school, but who did? It was in a shadier part of the city, like my home, my life. Not much room for goodwill and happy go lucky characters. But it was the best we could do.  
Anyways, today was my first day. So I uncovered my sheets to get ready for school. Just as my feet hit the floor I heard Nathan's voice carry through the open door.  
"Sarina! Get in here!" I didn't take my time down the stairs; I knew how much he hated me wasting his time. I walked into the kitchen where his voice came from and halted in front of him. I looked away from his angry face to the kitchen that- Oh no, I forgot to clean the dishes. How could I forget the dishes! I remembered last night when Nathan passed out I was cleaning up dinner when I'd walked out... What was I thinking? "What do I tell you every goddamn day, Sarina?" He warned through his teeth. Oh, God, he was mad.  
"I'm sorry I'll clean them n-" I started to say but the second I stepped forward he cut me off.  
"I said, what do I tell you!" He grabbed the back of my neck pushing me closer to the sink filled with our dirty dishes from last night.  
"I have to do the dishes every night," I repeat the words I've heard told to me for a year. Like a tape recording. Why can't I get it through my head? It was so simple yet I couldn't bear the strength to remember it? What was wrong with me? That's why he's so angry all the time, Sarina. Stop pissing him off. "I'm sorry..." I said almost inaudibly, submissively.  
"I know." He let go of my neck letting me stand up straight. His face was nearly void of anger, he moved his hands up to the sides of my face tilting it up so I was looking him in the eyes. "Clean it up." I did as he said as quickly as I could before going into the bathroom to get ready.  
Shutting the door quietly, I turned slowly around to the full body mirror on the other wall. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I scolded myself. I always frustrated him. Why did I keep doing that? I was lucky to have him. It was surprising to me how he ever stayed. How could he love me? I forced my eyes upon my figure in the mirror. How could he ever love a girl like me? My father's old Raider's t-shirt hung like an ugly curtain down just above my thighs exposing my stick-like legs. He is my guardian angel, that's what the people at the police station said when my mom died. I pulled the shirt over my body, sliding it up to my boxlike waist and the ribs that poke out when I raised my arm despite the excess fat on my stomach. My breasts were small, just like my hips, and my butt. Why didn't I have nice curves like the other girls at school? My stomach churned in a sort of discomfort and self-loathing that made me look away from my naked body and turn on the shower.  
//  
"Remember what I told you. Don't speak to anyone, come home right after work, nothing in between school and work. You understand me?" I nodded staring softly and intently at the front doors. It was the same every year. He pulled the car into park as he waited in front of the school. "I said, do you understand?" I snapped my head towards him nodding more.  
"Yes, Nathan." His angry face softened greatly as he held my cheek in his hand.  
"You know I love you, right?" I nodded, heart, fluttering joyously. My heartbeat sped up so fast I couldn't believe it. I loved when he said that. "And you know that I get angry sometimes, right?" This time I nodded less joyfully. "And I'm sorry that I take it out on you." He spoke softly, sorrowfully.  
"I love you too." As a sort of acceptance of an apology that I've heard millions of times. He smiled again, a tired one. He'd been working late again, he never gets enough sleep. He pulled me into him leaving a chaste kiss on my cheek. I opened the car door stepping out onto the crumbling grey concrete in front of my school.  
I never liked this school much. I could never make friends, granted I couldn't make friends anywhere else either but I liked denying it and saying it was the school's fault. No one really got along here. There was an underlying fog of hatred and fear among everyone. Hatred of the brothers and sisters beside them prepared to defend their own name and a fear of the betrayal of the ones closest to them. Most of these kids lived in broken homes with broken necessities and broken mentalities. It made it very hard to-  
All thought was cut off by someone crashing into me. I fell hard onto the sidewalk, hitting the back of my head and my side. The air was pushed out of my lungs. I gasped after the impact.  
"Fuck! Oh shit, I am so sorry!" A boy's voice said close to my ear. I still couldn't breathe properly and I noticed it was because this guy was still on top of me. I quickly pushed him off, doing little because of how weak I was, but he moved off of me as soon and as quickly as he had fallen on me. "I am so, so, so sorry!" Southern accent, that's different.  
"I...erm." Words couldn't form properly or get out of my mouth at all.  
"I'm really sorry, really. I thought you were gonna move out the way. I guess I shoulda slowed down a bit." He chuckled nervously. I finally looked down to get back my senses. I recognised him. Yeah, I've seen him around school. His hands were on my arm, helping me up off the ground. I quickly flinched out of his grip.  
"It's fine, really. I--" I started to say before I heard Nathan slam his car door shut and his agitated voice ring through my ears.  
"Sarina!" He sped around the hood of his car towards me.  
"Nathan, I'm fine, everything-"  
"What the hell's your problem?" He pulled me behind him and went on immediately attacking the poor guy. When I looked around Nathan's body I didn't see the scared look as expected from the kid instead I saw a smile, an amused one of ridicule, spread across his lips.  
"Chill, it was just an accident, ok?" He said evenly.  
"You watch your mouth and watch where you're going next time before I--" He started to say before I got between them. I put my hands on Nathan's chest pushing him away from the boy.  
"Nathan, I'm fine, just go home." His eyes finally left the kid and focused on me, but they didn't look any less angry. They looked even more so. Oh, he never liked me telling him what to do. I stepped back lowering my eyes away from his tantalizing stare.  
"I'm sorry. Just please, Nathan." I stuttered quietly so the guy behind me wouldn't hear. He relaxed his shoulders a bit before pulling me into him again, kissing me hard on the lips. I felt fire burst through me. The second time! The first time he'd kissed me was three weeks ago but it felt like centuries, and he was a little drunk. But his kisses were toxic to me. I knew they were bad, but I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my lips. He held my wrists in his hands. He pulled away for a second before leaving a peck on my lips. Our noses were brushing against each other; I saw his eyes flicker behind me. I was too dazed to think anything of it though. He stepped back keeping his eyes on me still as he rounded the car again, his gaze only breaking to get in his car. He revved the engine before pulling away from the loading-only spot he was stalled in. That was when I finally broke out of the trance he put me in.  
"Alrighty then..." Why was he still there? I turned around to the boy still standing a few feet in front of me. He seemed to have watched me and Nathan's scene. Finally, he looked at me with a serious face. "Are you sure you're ok?"  
"I'm fine," I reassured him curtly.  
"I guess this would be a good time to exchange insurance cards." He joked. A smile ghosted my lips.  
"Well, I'm fine. You-You can go on your way." I said awkwardly. I began picking up my things from the sidewalk. I was hoping for him to leave.  
"Oh," a pained look formed on his face as he looked nervously around, "I... I can't. I'd feel terrible. Where are you headed?"  
"To the library, I was hoping to check up on something before class but-"  
"Great!" Oh god. "I'll walk you. It's the least I could-" No, no. This can't be happening.  
"No!" His hand recoiled back to his side from my arm. "I mean... I'm fine. You'll probably be late for walking me, I would hate that. Seriously, I'll be fine on my own." I repeated for the millionth time. I'll always be just fine on my own.  
"Are you sure?" He looked at me still sceptical.  
"Absolutely." My bag weighed down heavily on my shoulder, the wind annoyingly blew wisps of my hair around my face, and this guy would not leave me alone.  
"Alright." He said still unsure of my own decision. I let a breath escape my lips. Finally.  
"See ya 'round, yeah?." He smirked. With that, he rode off on his board towards the entrance of the school. I stood in my spot for a couple of seconds. I had to gather my thoughts, not to mention the fact I was left uncomfortable from the butterflies fluttering lightly in my stomach. Today was going to be a long day. And all I had waiting for me at home was an angry man ready to punish me for speaking to him as I did.  
//  
It was the end of first period, a chill bit my covered skin as I walked through with my books on my way outside for breakfast. This was the worst thing about the school's block schedule. Having three classes a day in a regular six-hour instructional day meant all of the classes were almost the length of two. Exhausting to say the least. And it wasn't even noon. I stuck to the perimeters of the locker barricaded halls, unfortunately getting caught against the current on my way to my own locker. Now that I had first period next to the library I had to backtrack to my locker to put my stuff away before going back to the cafeteria. I hated this school. Everyone was so-  
"Hey, Sarina!" I cringe at her voice. Anytime you hear it, trouble was a second behind her.  
"Leave me alone Mini." I managed to let out, thanking God my words could actually be heard.  
"Shut up, you should feel glad anyone is paying any attention to you." She wrapped her perfect golden arm around my shoulder pulling me into her. "Now, I got an essay on radiocarbon I need you to type up. Can you do that for me?"  
"No." I don't know what compelled me to do something like that but I did.  
"Have it ready by-- wait, excuse me?"  
"I said no?" What was wrong with me? I couldn't stop the words from leaving my lips. Oh, I wish I could have. Mini looked just about ready to tear me limb from limb.  
"Ok listen up. First off, don't ever think of defying me like that again. Second, what makes you think you have a choice?"  
"I won't let you push me around."  
"Oh, you won't? What are you gonna do about it? Run home and cry to your mommy and daddy? Because-- oh wait, that's right, you don't have anybody to go home to." I couldn't find my voice to retort again. How dare she? How dare she say that to me?  
"What, ran out of clever little comebacks in that clever little brain of yours?" I felt like I was shrinking. Shrinking down to the size of an insect and she was a lion. I wasn't her prey, I wasn't even worth her time and attention. She laughed sarcastically, clapping her hands together. "Oh! I know! She probably came to school today thinking 'how could I piss Mini off more than I already do by breathing?'." I still hadn't uttered a word. "Listen, sweetie, you don't have a choice here. You know why? Because we had an agreement." I gasped. A smirk formed on her perfect lips as the words formed with her perfect voice. Why does she still remember that? She was supposed to forget, not give a crap about me. Why does she still remember?  
"Leave her alone Mini." An irritated voice interrupted. She rolled her eyes turning to the brunette boy.  
"Leave me alone Dylan." She spat out. His brows furrowed together in anger reminding me of Nathan.  
"Why do you always have to pick on her? You think you're better than her or something?"  
"I don't think I'm better, I know I'm better."  
"Just-" He sighed. "Come on Mini it's getting old." She glared at him while he challenged her to go against him.  
"Fine." She said calmly. I wasn't fooled by her sweet facade. "Don't think I'm done with you." She said with a tight smile. She looked down at my books for a second before knocking them out of my arms. Loose-leaf paper fluttered across the floor and ripped from the three rings of my binder. She chuckled softly. "Whoops, sorry." All with that sick smile.  
"Mini..."  
"What Dylan? I said sorry." She sighed exasperatedly before walking away, Dylan following without sparing another glance my way. I exhaled shakily before bending down to pick up my things, folding them back carefully from their spine breaking position. I was glad none of them tore. Before I could pick up my last book, a boot landed straight onto it. Oh thanks, I needed more footprints on this book anyways. They bent down on the floor like me and thumbed through the book before looking at me with those incredible brown eyes. Light-filled.  
"Can I have my book back please?" I said too softly for anyone but Ryder to hear but he only stood with his hand out to help me up. Only then did he give me my book back. Finally.  
"What grade are you in?" He asked following behind me as I picked up my papers.  
"Tenth." I couldn't stop myself.  
"You're a sophomore?" He bent down too and helped me.  
"Y-yeah." He told me not to talk to anyone. Stop talking! A part of me was actually scared Nathan might find out I was talking to the stranger.  
"You don't look like a sophomore. Bio notes?"  
"Yeah."  
"Damn, haven't seen these in, like," he looked away thinking, "fuck, three years." He chuckled. I didn't have a reply so I let the awkward silence seep further and further into the conversation.  
"So, I haven't seen you around before, is this your first day?"  
"No, I've been here since freshman year."  
"Really? Why haven't I seen you around?"  
"I don't- I don't have many friends...here," I added to make myself seem like less of a loser. "My boy-" I cut myself off. That would sound so weird. My boyfriend doesn't allow me to talk to other people. As if Nathan really wanted to be my boyfriend. "I have a hard time making friends sometimes." Which, it wasn't a complete lie.  
"Oh, well you've got one now if that makes you feel better." And for some reason it did. Pulling my jacket farther across my chest I walked into the cafeteria.  
"So, that was quite some blow you took back there." He turned to me in front of the line.  
"What?" I calmly asked, taking the bottle apple juice off of the refrigerated tray. Why did he say that? Was that his reason behind talking to me? He just wanted to make fun of me.  
"You know Mini saying she was better than you, that you annoyed her just by breathing. It's not something one usually forgets." Of course, I hadn't forgotten it. I'll never forget that. It was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me.  
"So?" Hopefully, this wasn't going to be as bad as I thought it would be.  
"I just want to say, you're not lower than her." My body stiffened at his words. Why was he saying this? "In fact, based on the way you reacted, you're pretty smart. Most people would snap right back, or throw a punch or two. But you kept calm. Picking your fights is always smart." I didn't pick my fight. I was just too scared to fight back. I couldn't even get a word out. Like Mini said, I wasn't clever.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean, you shouldn't listen to girls like her. She's just doing it for the people around her. If taking one person down can bring herself up in this fucked up social hierarchy, she'll take down as many people as she can." If he knew the real reason as to why Mini did this to me he wouldn't be saying all this.  
"Thanks." He replied bluntly to the lunch lady before winking at me and walking off. I didn't know he had already paid. I moved up to the cashier and reached into my pocket to pay.  
"Oh, your friend back there already paid for you."  
"Huh?" Was all I could say as I leant in a bit. She said nothing but nodded her head towards the guy. I've seen him around but I couldn't remember his name. "Uh...thanks." I rushed out speeding my way over to him. "Hey!" I called out, catching up to him.  
"Yes?" He asked innocently, with a smirk on his face, like he was waiting for me to come after him.  
"Why did you-" I started.  
"No need to thank me. Take it as a sorry for this morning." He said sitting down at the empty table next to us. Why was he so flattered with himself? I just stood there awkwardly as I stared at him beginning to eat. What am I supposed to do? Do I just leave? I mean, we haven't even had a full conversation- the most I've talked to anyone here in fact- but not enough to consider friendly chit chat. What if I did just walk away? That would be less awkward than just standing here looking at him eat. And if I just sat by myself again that’d definitely send weird glances my way. All of a sudden I start talking to him, or rather he starts talking to me, and then nothing. That's not normal. None of this is normal.  
He looked up at me then pointedly at the seat in front of him and back at me. He wanted me to sit with him? This is beyond abnormal. I cautiously slid into the seat eyeing him closely. He continued eating like a pig. I kept staring, though, however disgusting he looked right now; I couldn't get his eyes out of my head. I don't meet many significant people, especially guys, and especially attractive guys with impeccable brown eyes.  
"You know staring's impolite, right?" He said not even looking up from his pig trough. My cheeks burned as I finally opened up my bottle. "So..." he started after I started playing with the cap. "Who exactly was that guy I met in front of the school?" Oh god.  
"Nathan, he's..." He's what? My boyfriend? I've never heard him call me his girlfriend. I couldn't tell him he was my legal guardian after what he saw this morning, "just a friend of mine." I settle with. He didn't- and couldn't- know anything about me and Nathan.  
"Just friends huh?" He looked at me sceptically though a smirk spread across his lips. "You're pretty friendly with your friends." I stared at him not knowing what to say. I swallowed the lump in my throat.  
"It's...complicated."  
"Well, whatever 'it' is, he seems like a dick." How dare he? He didn't even know him.  
"Don't say that." His brows raised in amusement.  
"Why? It's the truth."  
"Because you don't know him." I paused thinking about why I was so upset. "And he's sweet. Just a little over-protective..." He nodded, almost sarcastically, if that was even possible.  
"I'm sure he is just like candy. But to anyone else that has the pleasure of meeting him, he's surprisingly intimidating. He seems to have quite an anger problem. Tell him he should take classes for that. And how old is he anyway? Does he even go to school? Or is he just some fucking-"  
"Hey, Ryder." I never thought I would be happy to see Mini. He was asking too many personal questions.  
"Hey." She had pushed me out of the spot at the lunch table, leaving me standing, mouth agape in frozen words, next to an even more surprised Ryder.  
"Are you going to Dylan's party on Friday?"  
"Um... Could we talk about this later? You sort of interrupted my conversation with-" He was interrupted by Mini.  
"Sarina?"  
"Yeah, we were talking in private before-"  
"Ok wait wait wait, so I should 'talk to you later' because you're wasting your lunch with that loser?" It was like I wasn't even here.  
"Jesus Christ, Mini. We literally see each other all the time. It's not that big a deal. Considering your reaction to rejection I would rethink who you call a loser 'round here." I could see the faintest amount of anger show on his face, other than that, how was he so calm? Mini was rendered speechless. We all just stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Ryder made a shooing motion with his hand. Mini let out a frustrated huff and stormed out of the cafeteria, which, unsurprisingly, sounded more like a little girl's temper tantrum because of the toy she couldn't have. I wanted to question him immensely about his actions, though I'd only just met him.  
"Sometimes..." He trailed off rhetorically and began eating again. I bit my lip contemplating if I should ask what I wanted to ask.  
"Why are you friends with her?" I tried to say as politely as I could. He held his food mid-bite looking at me in confusion. I looked at him expectantly. He sighed dramatically and put his half-eaten cookie down on his tray.  
"It's complicated." I hope not my kind of complicated. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. "Listen, Sara- can I call you that?" I nodded slowly, I've never had a nickname before. "Mini and I have been friends for a long time. Well, she's been friends with my friends for a long time. She's annoying as hell and I can barely stand her but she's been with us forever." Us? I sat there staring at him for a reason I couldn't recall. He looked up at me again with a confused look on his face.  
"What?" He asked me. His eyes were so golden, I swear you could see them shimmering. If you were any closer you might be able to hear the waves of excitement crashing against each other in those pools. The bell rang suddenly bringing me back to the loud, talkative cafeteria. I blinked looking around the room. It was like talking to Ryder blocked out all other noises and sight except him. Like magic. I shook my head to get rid of that crazy talk.  
"Nothing." He looked somewhat disappointed with my sudden blockade. Or maybe I imagined it. I don't know. We picked up our things and got up from the table.  
"I'll walk you to your next class if you'd like." He stuck his hands in his pockets. He looked so casual. Like a movie star. What is wrong with me? I looked down again blushing.  
"Um… Sure… Why not." Nathan wouldn't find out.  
"Uh..." Ryder chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Again, I'm- I'm really sorry about this morning. I pride myself in being a sorta safe rider so this kind of makes me wanna do something more than just buy you breakfast..." He held his gaze to the floor as he talked.  
"No, it's fine. I'm fine. No broken bones or anything. Won't be suing you for damages." We both laughed. "And if it's any consolation, I can't even stand on one of those things without killing myself so..."  
"What, my board?" He held it in front of him with both his hands, like a treasure. "I mean, it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it." I looked at the beat-up piece of wood on four wheels. What it lacked in the perception of stability it made up for in history. Scattering both sides of it were stickers, old and new, sharpie writing, spray paint, and other things I couldn't exactly identify. But it looked cool nevertheless. And Ryder seemed to love it.  
"I've always wanted to learn how to ride one." Living in LA, you couldn't go a day without seeing a skater. But I knew for a fact Nathan would never let me.  
"I can teach you. It ain't that hard. Just takes practice," he chuckled lightly, looking away from me. "It's funny though. The only reason I was riding this piece of shit was that my bike was in the shop which never ever happens..." He frowned at his board before shrugging and putting it back at his side.  
"Bike?" I didn't know you needed to put a bike in a shop to repair it.  
"Sorry. Motorcycle, bike. People really think I'm talkin' 'bout some acoustic version of Persephone." I stared at him before giggling.  
"Acoustic? Persephone?" He smiled widely laughing along with me.  
"Yeah! I'm not joking. If my board was my child, my bike would literally be the goddess I worship." I laughed even harder.  
"Where's your next class?" He asked after a moment of silence between him looking at the alignment of doors and me looking at my shoes.  
"It's right upstairs." I pointed up the stairs we just reached. We headed up the wretched things.  
"And what exactly do you do in the class?"  
"It's my public speaking course. It's supposed to help you improve your public speaking, obviously. But since it's the first day we don't even do anything except present our summer assignments, which in itself is a nightmare." I mentally cringed thinking of that class. The first time I took it last year, I had to present a speech on the conservation of energy. I stuttered in every sentence, everyone stared at me, and I'd end up on the brink of a panic attack. I'd always have to beg Mr Herrera not to call Nathan. "I...Um, this is my class. So..."  
"Perfect. I'll see you 'round, Sara." He flashed another smile my way before heading down the nearly empty hall. God, I was so annoying. I walked into the classroom and sat in my usual seat right in the middle. Just as I sat down, the bell rang.  
"Alright guys, the faster you quiet down the faster this lesson goes and the faster you all can get out of my classroom. I don’t care about attendance. The points you lose from participation and assignments are punishment of their own" The room quieted down, give or take a few students who carried on their conversations in hushed whispers. Mr Herrera continued. "So! Today we will be presenting our persuasive speeches, the ones I had hoped you succeeded in completing over the summer break." Several murmurs of confirmation hummed around the classroom. "Great. Would anyone want to start as our first speaker?" His extremely unenthusiastic voice asked. No one raised their hands. "Don't all volunteer at once." Still, no one rose their hand. "Alright, I guess I'll just have to pick randomly." Promptly followed by a chorus of groans and complaints. "Ok, let's have... you, blue jacket," he pointed to a boy with his back turned away. Mr Herrera snapped his fingers to get his attention. He turned around after his friend prompted him. "Oí, get up here. What's your name?"  
"John."  
"Ok, John, go ahead." And thus began the consecutive series of ridiculous speeches to follow. So far there has been, I kid you not, the mess of a speech from John about maybe the fight to cure cancer. I don't actually know, it was that or something about penguins. Then there was 'help the African children (African in general, not the children residing in the specific countries within the continent that struggle with poverty majorly)' from Stephani. Also, a tentative speech from Brian about how 'you should save energy but not if you don't want to, I don't know, just do what you want, it's a free country'. Oh, and how could I possibly forget the speech 'a Netflix subscription will save you money and your life' from Julia. That one wasn't all that bad but it was pretty funny. There were others but those were the ones Mr Herrera let speak. The others he made sit back down because they needed to work on their presentation.  
Soon there was only twenty-five minutes left in class. I had my cheek propped up on my hand, my eyes struggling to stay open. I tried my best to stay awake but these speeches, despite their appalling nature, were also lulling. Mixed with the fact I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep last night, I was bound to fall asleep in a couple minutes. I let my mind slip away.  
"Sarina!" I jolted awake. My cheek hurt from my hand laying there for so long. How long was I asleep? I looked at the clock. Eleven minutes!? My wrist started to sting. Why did it feel like I was asleep for ages?  
"Sarina, I know these speeches are atrocious, however, I'd much appreciate you stay awake in my class." The class snickered as a whole at my predicament. Resulting in me shrinking further down into my seat.  
"Sorry, Mr Herrera," I mumbled softly, pushing my papers together.  
"Ok, Sarina, you will be presenting your speech after Kevin's." Great. My shoulders slump in defeat. Just to pile on to my embarrassment. I hate this class. Kevin carried on with his speech. Looks like he just started. Luckily, after Mr Herrera's comment on his speech destroyed his confidence. He ended up stuttering and losing his train of thought so many times by the time he was finished, he was pink with embarrassment and added on another five minutes to the actual speech. And that meant I'll just start my speech next class. Maybe there is a god. I gather my things and head out the door as the last bell rings and I'm met by a loud, crowded hallway. I begin walking to the cafeteria.  
"Sara!" I heard my name called from in front of me. Seconds later I see Ryder's curly hair appear through the crowd on the other side of the hallway.  
Everyone was looking at me. Why was everyone looking at me? Would they stop looking at me?  
"Hey." He said smiling cheerfully. I could still feel eyes on me sending anxious waves crashing through my body. I couldn't see them but I knew they were there. "Sarina?" I snapped out of it finally looking up at him.  
"Hm?"  
"I said, how was class?"  
"Oh, fine." We headed down the stairs.  
"How did that speech go?"  
"I ended up not having to do it today." I smiled, still glad I got out of it.  
"Why not?" He sure asks a lot of questions.  
"Just ran out of time." I summed up. He probably didn't care why. He was just making conversation.  
"Oh..." He stopped for a second, "so I was thinking on Saturday I could teach you how to skate."  
"Really? You'd do that?" A bright smile captures his face again.  
"Of course! Anything for the little ones."  
"Hey! Don't call me little." I still found myself laughing. He laughed with me.  
"You have to admit you are tiny."  
"Compared to you, yeah." I was still smiling, I couldn't stop.  
"Ain't a thang. Now come on." He nodded his head in the direction of the exit. He started walking that way, making me follow curiously behind.  
"Where are we going?" Because I really didn't know.  
"Out."  
"Why?"  
"I told you. I wanna do more than just buy you breakfast. Don't worry, I got everything covered." He'd said. I didn't know how much he'd covered but I didn't want to skip school to find out. "Come on." Oh... damn. I breathed out heavily then followed-well, more like was dragged by Ryder down the hall. I didn't even know where we were going! I can't believe I trusted myself with this guy I've just met! Finally pulling my wrist out of his grasp after many attempts, I stopped.  
"Wait," he stared at me, "where are we going?" All I could do was stare at the floor not meeting his gaze and pull at the ends of my sweatshirt.  
"Lunch." He answered like it was so obvious. He started walking again.  
"The cafeteria's the other way." He stopped again.  
"You really wanna eat their food?" He asked me. He had a point. The cafeteria's food was not ideal. "Didn't think so. Now let's go." He drew out his words when he pushed me in front of him. I didn't know him for an hour and he's already dragging me around. I was starting to regret letting him take me wherever he was taking me.  
"Can you please tell me where you're taking me?" I sighed out after a while, I was getting tired of this wandering around the school. Slowly he turned around to face me.  
"We're meetin' up with some friends of mine, at The Lounge." I knew that place. I've never been inside but all the cool kids at school hung out there. And by cool, I mean everyone but me. It was the modern equivalent to speakeasies during prohibition but for underage kids. It was owned by some guy that paid off either the police itself or other people to keep its existence low key.  
Wait, that meant we were ditching. Well, he wasn't ditching. Seniors had off campus privileges during lunch. But me, I couldn't ditch. Physically, I could obviously but you'd have to drag me by my ankles out those double doors for that to even happen. Nathan would kill me if he found out I left school. Especially if he found out I left school with another boy. He was very protective like that. What if something happens? What if some drunken idiots start fighting and someone got hurt. What if I got hurt? What if one of Nathan's friends were there? Oh God, that couldn't happen. They're probably there right now having a good time. If they saw me there they'd no doubt tell Nathan. I hate this. I overthink things and all of a sudden I'm hyperventilating over the thought of Nathan's friends maybe possibly seeing me there. I could feel my heart beating against my chest and record-breaking speeds. It was weird; I could only feel my heart beating, nothing else. I couldn't feel myself walking or breathing in fact. A small- but vigorous- headache started to break out in my temple.  
"Hey, are you ok?" He asked at the exit of the school with a sincere look of concern on his face.  
"I-I-I can't go with you." I stammered out timidly. My habit took over me and I couldn't resist with the ends of my sweater. I couldn't believe I was just ditching him. Well, yeah, actually I could. I was not the strongest link in the chain. I could barely hold myself together as it is. I just didn't want to risk getting caught with him. I've worked way too harder to get where I was and I wasn't going to throw it away for some stupid detention slip. I was turning around before he spoke again. I was praying he wasn't gonna make fun of me for being so melodramatic.  
"Wait, Sara." Don't call me that. "Wait!" When I didn't respond he grabbed my wrist, the same way Nathan does, but gentler. Almost as if he knew how much it hurts. Quickly I turned to him pulling my hand away behind my back silently waiting for him to continue.  
"I don't understand." He held a confused smile adding a chuckle.  
"What's not to understand?"  
"Why not?" Because we could get caught. Because we could get detention. Because that would ruin my record. Because Nathan would find out. Because if he did find out he'd- I didn't even want to think about how angry he'd be not to mention how he'd react.  
“Because… because I’m not a senior. I’ll get in trouble.”  
“Neither am I, Sara, I do this all the time. They haven’t caught me yet.” He reassured me lightly. I could have sworn he was a senior… Come on Sarina, he’s one of the coolest guys in school of course he could hang out with seniors.  
"I just can't." That's all I could force out of my mouth. I was terrible.  
"I know this may come as a shock to you, little one, but I think you've spent a well amount of your life wound so tight you cannot even comprehend the definition of fun." Fun? I could have- Ok, no I couldn't. But I didn't need to! I was perfectly fine being dull and boring.  
"And no offence but I think your little "friend" has something to do with that. So, it's about time you sprung loose."  
"No," I said firmly.  
"If you give me one reason why not, I will leave you alone." He held up his hands expectantly. I furrowed my eyebrows at his statement. One reason? After a couple seconds, he dropped his hands with a smug look on his face. And just before he could say something again, I beat him to the punch.  
"Because I don't want to." His eyes widened at my bluntness. It's really not that I don't want to, because I actually kind of wanted to know what that boy had running through his head. The thing is there was a longer list of cons to this situation than there are pros. And that's never a good sign. His face still looked shocked at my words. I almost thought he might've been offended by what I said. But that was before that smirk spread across his lips.  
"You don't want to know what we were going to do?" He took a step forward successfully radiating playful intimidation.  
"I thought you said you'd leave me alone." I surprise even myself saying that. He licked his lips before a chuckle rumbled from between them and he nodded his head.  
"Fair enough. Ok, enjoy your freedom." It was like I was his prisoner. I turned back around again. I'd taken two steps before he spoke again.  
"But let me tell you..." I stopped. "You missing out, Sara." It sounded like he was talking about a lot more than his lunch plans. I stayed like this for a while before I kept walking away. What was wrong with me? I seemed to be asking myself that a lot lately.  
//  
I was sorting a new arrival of vinyl that came in yesterday afternoon, when the door chimed, introducing a potential customer. I was in the back so I didn't know who walked through the door but I heard Bucky, the lovely owner, call out and welcome them.  
Bucky was my boss, and possibly the kindest man you'll ever meet. He was going into his golden years but had this way of speaking and philosophical view on the world. It felt like you were talking to an optimistic man in his thirties. Oh, and his love for music. It was mesmerising to hear him speak for what seems like hours about jazz or his classics. He'd lived for so long he's gotten to experience the new age of rock and roll. He was so passionate about it, he could barely stop himself sometimes. He gave me a whole new light to music. He was my only source for music. Nathan could never stand music. I didn't know how but he didn't. A couple notes interrupted my train of thought. I heard the beginning guitar riff to a song by The National through the speakers and a smile appeared on my lips. Thank you Bucky, I thought. He played it all the time knowing it is my favourite song. I hummed along to the song as I put another record in its place in the rack. Before long I was softly singing to myself. He had such an amazing voice. And the lyrics! I couldn't get enough of this song. I could probably listen to it forever and never get tired of it.  
What makes you think I'm enjoying being led to the flood?  
We got another thing coming undone  
We got another thing coming undone  
And it's taking us over  
And it's taking forever  
I was almost done with the records before I heard this weird clicking sound behind me.  
"Beautiful voice." I jumped at the voice behind me, I bumped into the rack making the legs scrape against the linoleum. "Sorry, if I scared you at all." The boy looked genuinely concerned. "I was just complimenting you on your little performance." I swallowed the lump in my throat still silent.  
"Look, I'm not some...stalker or something. You don't have to be scared." He attempted to reassure me. But of course, I do! A random boy comes up to me telling me I have a nice voice and is not leaving me alone, I'd have every right to be pretty sceptical about his existence. I didn't reply. I didn't know this kid. What do you say to something like that? Especially if they were lying. He was probably just saying that. Wasn't that a thing guys do? Say nice things to get girls in bed. Which would only beg the question, why was he talking to me? I don't know.  
"Fine." He continued, begrudgingly. "I just wanted to say, you're exactly what we're looking for. I'm in this band, Jr Am, and we need another vocalist and I think you'd be perfect." I blinked, my fingers tightening around the metal bars of the rack. He stuck his hand out to me. "My name's James. You don't have to say yes, I just want you to meet the rest of the band and see what you think."  
"I..." My words stuck in my throat. Was he serious? I couldn't sing in front of other people. I couldn't sing at all! This had to be some sort of joke...  
"Well, I'll tell you what. I've already recorded your voice, so either way, they'll hear you singing. And if I know my friends, which I definitely do, they'll be a bit more excited about finding a fifth than me. You're a sweet girl, I can tell you're a bit shy. So, would you rather I go to them without you and explain how you didn't want to come, to which they'd respond by coming and finding you individually and begging you to join us, or would you rather get it over with and just see what you think?" Wasn't this considered blackmail? Holding something over someone to make them do what you want. That's what this was. This boy was blackmailing me. This evil boy.  
"I don't think I..." James held his phone up higher, taunting me of its content. I swallowed, my eyes fixed on that damn phone. Well, he did say just to see what I think. I could go, do whatever they wanted me to do and say I wasn't interested. Simple. "O-Ok. I'll go." He put his phone down as a toothy grin brightened up his face.  
"Great, let's go!" He spun on his heels to the door.  
"What? Wait, n-now?" I spoke forward before he could get out of my sight. He turned around, his face ridden with confusion.  
"Well, yeah... Practice is about to start."  
"I can't now, I'm a bit busy with work." His eyes looked behind me finally realising there were stacks of records in boxes on the floor. A blush flooded his cheeks.  
"Oh. I didn't know you worked here. That's...strange- I'll tell you what, give me your number and I'll text you." He was already typing away on his phone. Now, my turn to blush.  
"I don't have a number." Nathan never let me get a cell phone.  
"Wow, ok, this is getting a lot more awkward than I had initially thought." I could tell he was thinking really hard about this. "Ok, tell you what, you free tomorrow? I could pick you up somewhere."  
"I'll have to ask my boss first but...y-yeah. You can pick me up after school, Black Bay. Three?" I don't know why but my stomach fluttered with excitement. I found myself looking forward to being a part of it, a part of something... different. New.  
"You go to Black Bay?" For once it seems like his movements halted. I nodded my head.  
"That is so weird. I've never seen you before... Well, then, I'll see you tomorrow after school, uh...." He had already started toward the exit before he turned back around, his eyes closed. His face looked like he was trying to remember the name I never gave him.  
"It's Sarina." He smiled again, shaking my hand gently.  
"This is great. Now I can surprise them all tomorrow. It was a pleasure, Sarina."  
"Nice meeting you too, James." He gave a satisfied smile and turned around to leave.  
"I'll see you tomorrow! In front of the auditorium!" He called back just before he threw a wave back at me and proceeded to walk out the door, leaving to my thoughts. I let out a breath. He reminded me of an actual ball of energy. I finished up organising the shipment before going over to Bucky. He was relaxing in his favourite chair probably working on last week's crossword.  
"How ya' doing Sarina? You finish that box up?"  
"Yeah... Hey, Bucky?" He finally looked up from the newspaper. "You think I could get tomorrow off? I have something planned for tomorrow and-"  
"Sarina, I really wish you would've come to me earlier with this." I hung my head down. I heard him sigh defeated. "But I could get Kelly in to cover you." I almost hugged him. No work for me tomorrow.  
"And what should I be saying to Nathan?" My heart nearly stopped when he mentioned him. I almost forgot.  
"Could you not tell him I took the day off, please?"  
"Is something the matter Sarina?" He stood slowly concern ridden on his face.  
"No, but you know how he is, he wouldn't be too happy if I wasn't at work. It isn't anything bad. I'm just meeting a...a friend." He looked sceptical still as he folded his arms across his chest.  
"Please Bucky." I even made the effort to fold my hands, begging.  
"Sarina, you know this is coming out of your pay?" I nodded. What was one day going to hurt? "Fine."  
"Oh, thank you, Bucky!"  
"Yeah, yeah. Now, just because you're not working tomorrow doesn't mean you're not working today. Get back to it, little lady."  
I was still smiling as I walked away to get back to work. I was actually excited to meet James' band. My only hope is that Nathan never finds out about this. If he did, I don't know how that will end. Ryder's words rang in my head. You're missing out. Maybe he was right…  
//  
After I finished work, I arrived at an empty home. I locked the door and turned on the living room lights. I was alone again. Nathan was always busy at work at this time and then he didn't even come home until late. I don't remember when he started coming home later. It just sort of happened. Maybe I'll ask him. Not tonight, it would be too late and he'd probably be tired. Yeah, later. I decided to get my homework done. And then when I realised I didn't have actual work to do I walked back downstairs into the small kitchen to fix myself some lunch/dinner. From the looks of it, Nathan attempted to make lunch and failed to complete the actual task. He probably headed to Uncle Joe's. Uncle Joe is the owner of a small, run-down club on 123rd. It was mostly regulars there nowadays, and it was usually only popular on the rare weekends. The entrance fee was free for attractive women. We weren't actually related but he was a close friend of my father. The few times I saw him when I was younger it became apparent that I was obligated to associate as many people as I could to an actual family. Anyways, it was only me tonight.  
The sky was close to dusk but it was still its regular bright blue. I loved the sky. It was so beautiful. It has personality. One day it could be bright and sunny, perfect weather for the beach. And other days it could be gloomy and the sun wouldn't come out. It was real and different and it was everywhere. No matter where you go you look up and you'll always see that sky. Everyone looks up at the same one. Same stars, same sun, same moon. It was uniform but still ever-changing. I comforted myself momentarily with the thought that Ryder looks at the same sky as I do. No, I shouldn't be thinking of him. He wasn't even my friend. He won't be. He'll get tired or annoyed with me sooner or later and forget about me. A sigh escaped my lips as I stopped looking through the window and turned the stove on high and started boiling water for pasta.  
It was past dark and Nathan was most likely coming home soon. So I decided to start making him his dinner. When my parents were alive they always made pasta for dinner. You know, my parents weren't the best but I couldn't complain. I didn't know what it was but I always saw my father as some sort of hero. He wasn't much of a hero. In fact, he was more of an idiot who thought motorcycles were the safest thing in the world. I drained the pasta and put some on a plate for Nathan. But sometimes the way I remember him, how he'd kill all the spiders and change the light bulbs when they blew or check under my bed for monsters, might've given me the idea. Because I loved my dad. He was the greatest in the world. And I'd rather remember him for his good parts rather than his bad ones. Like when he'd sing me lullabies every night and I'd sing along until I was too tired to open my mouth for anything other than a yawn and goodnight.  
It never occurred to me how long music had carried me through life. Working for Bucky helped me through a lot. Maybe joining James' band could be a good thing too. After all, I couldn't stack records for the rest of my life, no matter how happy Bucky may be doing it. But he owned the store. He could, and wanted to work at that store for possibly the rest of his life. He and I had this joke that he was some immortal musical wizard. It would've been funny if it were true. He was a great man; I don't get many words in about it with Nathan. He won't let me say anything about work. He says he doesn't like me alone working like that. 'I'm already letting you work there, I don't want you talking so much about it' he says. He doesn't know how-  
The front door slammed closed making me jump before Nathan thundered past the kitchen door.  
"Nathan?" I called out to him. No response. "Nathan? Is something wrong?" I called out again. Of course, there was something wrong, you idiot. I walked into his room cautiously. I didn't want to upset him more than he already seemed. "Nathan? What happened?" I asked as I found him sitting, back to me, on the far side of the bed.  
"Nothing." He replied angrily. Angrier than I've ever seen or heard him.  
I dared to step closer and say, "You know I don't believe that." I barely heard his ragged breathing. Like a jagged attempt at those breathing exercises they tell you to do in anger management classes. "Please? Please talk to me." Whispering to him, I reached my hand out to rest on his broad shoulders. But the second I touched the fabric on his shirt, his hand shot up and grabbed my wrist.  
"Don't, Sarina." He growled in warning.  
"I just-" He stood up, towering over me, twisting my wrist dangerously causing me to yelp in pain and surprise.  
"I said, don't." He all but growled out. I swear his eyes glazed over a pitch-black for a fraction of a second before they went back to their normal brown.  
"Nathan- p-please..." I didn't yell out, Nathan hated when I did that, just whimpered silently letting hot tears fill my eyes.  
"You always have to ruin it, don't you?" His voice low and rough, he sounded like he was talking to himself but I wasn't sure.  
"I don't know what you're talking about..." I cried louder.  
"Shut up!" Somehow any sound that could've come out of my mouth ceased to exist, only hot, sad tears leaking silently from my eyes. "Just...Just leave it alone Sarina," he said, calmer this time. He finally let go of me, lifting me off the floor. He wiped the tears off of my face. "Have you made anything to eat yet?"  
"Y-yeah, I'll go heat it up."  
"Thank you." I left the room shaking, massaging my swelling wrist. I took the cool plate of pasta and put it in the microwave. I could hear the shower rushing on. I tried to busy my still shaking hands by cleaning the countertops and the rest of the kitchen. It wasn't even that dirty, I tended to keep it quite tidy, but there wasn't much else for me to do. The microwave buzzed before I pulled the hot plate out, placing it on the table where it had been before. I'd recleaned nearly every inch of that kitchen when I realised the house was completely silent. He must've finished showering. I opened the fridge for two ice-cold bottles of water before I felt two hands on my sides.  
"Hey," Nathan said.  
I gave a sigh of relief, "You scared me." His hands were warm. No matter how many showers he took he always seemed to smell like... a fire. Like forever burning charcoal.  
"I'm sorry, Sarina." It sounded more like an apology for earlier. Snuggling his nose into my neck he took in a deep breath. What is he doing? "How are you?" He peppered soft kisses on my neck, tickling me in the process.  
"I'm fine. Nathan, what-" He bit at my neck playfully letting giggles spew from my lips. "Nathan, stop." But my laughter grew louder as his teeth grazed my skin more, exploring the skin from my ear to my collarbone. His teeth seemed to vanish, replaced by his tongue, sucking softly on the sweet spot behind my ear. "Nathan..." That came out breathier than I'd initially planned. His hands moved up from my waist to my neck. In one second my heart raced in fear when his hand tightened ever so slightly. But he turned me around to face him. His thumb pushed across my Adam's apple. His eyes trained solely on my neck still. I stood there like that for a while as he just looked. I'd give anything to know what he was thinking. Anything in the world. Really, I would. He said something suddenly, staring at my skin so intensely it made my legs shake.  
"What?" I ask coming out of the trance he put me under with his lips.  
"Nothing." He looked down sadly, dropping one of his hands from my touch.  
"What's wrong?" I took his hand and placed it on my cheek again, missing its warmth.  
"Nothing, Sarina, you wouldn't understand."  
"You don't know that."  
"Yes, I do." He looked at me again but into my eyes this time. "Do you love me?" The question surprised me.  
"What- I-" It wasn't that I didn't love him. I did, with all my heart, but I didn't want him to know that. It was insane. He'd never feel the same way I did. Even if he had, there'd be someone better for him than a stupid sixteen-year-old girl. Someone prettier, someone funnier, someone lovelier.  
"Tell me." He kissed my cheek. "Tell me, Sarina." He kissed the other cheek moving down to my neck. I hadn't noticed the moans erupting from me. "I want you." He whispered in between kisses. He was sucking on my skin and pulling at my clothes before I could say a word. I never thought in a million years I'd ever get the chance with him. My shirt was the first to go. His lips disappeared from my skin making me whimper in disappointment. "Let me have you." Have me? Should I? Could I? Was I even ready? "Sarina..." He moaned again in my ear.  
"I-I don't know," I whispered. I want to. I really do, but right now? Here? Suddenly, he picked me up forcing me to wrap my legs around his waist and carry me to his bedroom. He always seemed to know what I was thinking. He laid me on the bed underneath him. He was already nibbling on my neck again as if he was content with me just being there with him. That's when I knew I wanted him too. "Ok," I said quietly. He smiled breathtakingly. "Will it hurt?" Idiot! Why would you ask that?  
"I promise, baby, you won't believe how good I'll make you feel." I smiled at his words, glad he hadn't found my questions stupid as I did. I believed him. He was going to make me feel the way I'd never felt before. He pulled down the top of my sweats, unzipping his own jeans.  
"Nathan." The name spilt out of my mouth. It was the only one I wanted to moan for the rest of my life. My legs separated on their own. He looked at me aligning himself before pushing into me so slowly and completely with a groan. I was shocked into silence before my eyes shut as I let out a cry. He started moving again, slowly, surging constant pleasurable painful shocks through my entire body with every thrust.  
"Look at me." I couldn't even open my eyes. Oh god, he made me feel so good. "Look at me." He growled again grabbing my chin forcing me to look at him. "You're mine. You hear me? Who are you?" I gasped a little, my eyes started to roll, his hand tightened around my neck. My toes started to curl. Just a little further.  
"Please." I could only sigh out. Everything felt so surreal.  
"Answer me." His voice was hoarse. I could tell he was as close as I was. A moan escaped my lips again, his anger fastened his pace.  
"Yours. I'm yours." My breaths turned short and suddenly into pants as I closed my eyes again. Only his. Only he could do this to me. His hand moved away from my neck and I felt a rush run through me because my breath came back, only to be taken away again when he moved faster and harder.  
"Fuck. Mine's right." His hands abandoned my body completely gripping the sheets below me, my fingers dug into his shoulders. His lips and teeth were attacking my neck once again and I could feel myself just dangling on the edge.  
"Nathan!" I cried out as I was pushed off of that cliff suddenly, an orgasm launching me forward against him. Pleasure ripped through my body teetering between pain and euphoria. After me, he pulled out, sitting on his knees between my legs. He smirked down at me as he grabbed his manhood, pumping slowly scraping his eyes over my heated naked body. Many shivering seconds went by before I felt his hot liquid shot out over my stomach.  
"Clean it up," he still held that same smirk. My furrowed my eyebrows. How was I supposed to... Oh. He chuckled at my realisation. I bit my lip looking down at the pool resting on my brown skin. I swallowed slowly bringing my fingers to the liquid. Bringing them to my lips tasting him in a way I'd only dreamed of. Before I knew it only traces of my saliva coated fingertips were left on my stomach. I swallowed again breathing heavily. I looked up at him. I could still feel the tingling sensation in my body. I was afraid if I stood I would just collapse on the ground, my legs felt like jelly. He groaned again, lust filling his eyes again.  
"Up." I scrambled to my feet. My head spun for a while before I got a hold of myself. His eyes combed over my body hungrily as if contemplating whatever to do with it. I resisted the urge to move. His eyes lit up suddenly before he swept me up into his arms. I gasped and laughed at the sudden motion.  
"What are you-"  
"Wait and see." I stopped questioning it. He made his way to the bathroom. Always waiting. Always seeing. For him and always him. I loved him.


	2. Chapter 2

When I was little, my dad died in a motorcycle accident. We mourned for so long and everyone hurt for so long and my mom fought for so long. And then when I was eleven my mom killed herself. And we all mourned some more and everyone was sad. It was all very, very sad. I remember not crying as much as I did for my father. I only cried because I was alone now not necessarily because she specifically was gone. My father, well, I was nearly shutting down and cried my eyes out until I learned he was cheating on my mother. I learned he never really loved her. Well, no, of course, he did. When they met he loved her, when they married he loved her, but after I was born... It all just seemed to start to slip away. My mother wasn’t there much when I was a baby and my father resented her for that. And then when my father died my mother became even more reclusive than before. I guess you could say I didn't have the best childhood. But like I said before, Nathan was my guardian angel. He saved me from turning into someone most people expected a traumatised orphan to turn into. A lost, broken soul wandering the streets, alone. Because of him I was completely whole.  
I woke up the next day early in the morning. It wasn't the regular kind of morning. It was the kind of morning where the sun hasn't come up quite yet and the street lamps were still on, but the sky was getting paler and the birds had just begun to sing. That was my favourite kind of morning. It was like the whole world was asleep and I was the only one awake to see it breath its steady breaths and dream its lucid dreams.  
This morning I woke up next to Nathan in his bed. His scent hit me first. That faint smokey musk comforted my soul. If his scent hadn't made it almost impossible to get up, his arms certainly did. One strong arm wrapped firmly around my waist holding me against him. I didn’t want to get up but I had school today. Nathan rolled over next to me. He was lying on his back shielding his eyes with his arm. He looked so peaceful that way. I usually treasured these moments. I rarely ever saw him this way, he was always so angry, and I didn't know why. Maybe I should make him something. Breakfast in bed. Yes, that would be perfect. I glanced at him one last time before slowly moving the blanket slowly off of my body. The cold air hit my still pretty sensitive legs softly. Like wind brushing that big sycamore tree right outside the window.  
"Where do you think you're going." He didn't say it too menacing, well as least menacing as he can be, because he'd just woken up. His arm held my arm in a firm grip, it didn't hurt too bad, he'd just woken up.  
"Just- I was going to surprise you with breakfast. I was hoping you wouldn't wake up until then." I knew he could tell my face got hot very quickly and my heart started beating faster.  
"Sarina..." I saw him shift in bed, sitting up to look me in the eye. I felt incredibly small all of a sudden. His stares did a number on me I'll tell you that. And right now they shrunk me down until I felt like a tiny bug in the hands of a giant. I resisted the urge to look away, he hated when I did that. "Come here." He pulled my arm a little, not enough to actually move me but I moved anyway, I wanted to anyway. My legs naturally moved over him on each side of his body.  
"I really should be getting up and ready for school-" When I tried to move away he held onto me tighter.  
"Just sit for a second, with me, will you." I quit moving. "You are adorable when you look like this." He moved his eyes away from mine and brushed the hair out of my face.  
"Like what?"  
"Like messy and tired."  
"Thanks."  
"I didn't mean it like that. Like you're not even trying to be gorgeous."  
"Shut up."  
"You are." His face never changed. Like this was a completely normal conversation. But my heart was racing and my mouth went dry.  
“You really think so?” He looked at me confused but with a smile on his face. He let out a deep laugh, the kind from down in your gut, and shook his head.  
“Of course I do. Of course I do.” The smile on my lip was starting to hurt my cheeks. Why did he have to be so sweet all the time.  
"Stop it."  
"Never." He gave me a goofy grin before attacking my face and neck with his lips. "Say it. Say you love me." Soft tingles ran through my body.  
"Never." I moaned when his teeth bit my neck.  
"Mmm." I hummed refusing to let him hear me again. He growled before he just started tickling me. I don't know if you know this but that was never a good idea. I jumped like I had been shocked by a high voltage electricity. But he was strong enough to keep me still. I started wriggling around trying to escape, laughing so hard it was hard to speak. I hated being tickled. I screamed louder now that he was using both of his hands. I fell back onto the bed protecting myself as much as I could with my legs pinned down by Nathan's weight and my wrists locked in his one handed grip. Why did he have to be so strong. One hand still made me suffer enough to leave me gasping for air.  
"Stop!"  
"Say it!"  
"Please!"  
"Not until you say it!"  
"Ok-Ok! Jesus-" I heaved in one giant breath his hand slowed its attack but was still moving. "I love you." I grumbled defeated but I still smiled wide.  
"Good I was starting to think I'd have to call for drastic measures."  
"And what might that be?" His playfulness disappeared as his eyes filled with mischief and lust and a smirk captured his lips.  
"I'd have to resort to fucking you senseless. Again." He added after a pause. I gasped out loud at his words. I will never get used to his lewdness. But that didn't stop the warmth moving through my body any resting heavily in my core. My hips started moving to get the uncomfortable weight to lighten. Nathan chuckled above me, an eyebrow raised playfully. His one free hand reached under my shirt grazing my skin so painfully gentle it felt like a cold breeze caressing me. It was torture. Moisture formed in my panties. His hand finally lowered closer and closer down there. My body heated more as he moved away.  
"No..." Whimpers spilled from my lips. I needed him. He chuckled again before kissing my forehead.  
"You have to get ready, remember?" I groaned softly at my incompletion. I moved my hips more to at least get friction down there seeing as he wasn't going to do anything about it. I could see him getting frustrated by the bulge in his shorts. He growled again grabbing my chin. "I don't want you late, I want you to get and get into the shower I'll have breakfast ready when you're out ok?" I groaned in annoyance. "Excuse me?"  
"Yes Nathan." I said sadly.  
"Now go." He finally let go of me.  
//  
"Your name is Sarina right?" I heard a shy but firm voice above me. I looked up to see a girl that looked smaller my size. I nodded hesitantly. Her grey eyes blinked and darted around the library a couple times before resting on me. She looked nervous she was squeezing the life out of the backpack strap in her clutches. She gulped and after a couple seconds she spoke again. "C-can I sit with you?" My eyes widened. With me? I nodded frantically moving my stuff out of the way on the table. She smiled finally visibly relaxing. "I'm AJ."  
"Hey." I managed to mutter.  
"Am I interrupting you?"  
"No! No, I'm just a little confused." I chuckled softly, hoping that would get rid of this awkwardness.  
"About what?" Her head cocked to the side reminding me of a puppy dog.  
"Just, not many people actually choose to sit with me." I looked back down at my work busying myself to make it seem as if I were getting back to it when in fact my nerves were so alert I could barely concentrate.  
"Oh! Oh...I don't know, I've seen you around school. I think...I think you're pretty cool..." Cool? Ok seriously what is up with the water supply in this school?  
"Me?" She let out a snort.  
"Well, yeah. You kinda remind me of...well, me. You're pretty shy too. You don't have many friends. And-"  
"Sarina!" I heard a familiar voice call out my name.  
"And you hang out with him." She sounded annoyed.  
"Hey Sarina! Oh! You know AJ?"  
"You know AJ?" I asked him.  
"Yeah, she's my backup singer." He smirked at her mockingly.  
"Fuck off." She snapped suddenly. The shy girl was gone now. She glared at Ryder.  
"Love ya'." He plopped himself down next to her. He slung an arm around her. She didn't seem fazed by it.  
"I'm still confused. How do you know each other?" I looked between them.  
"He's in my band." She said to me but smirked at him.  
"Your band?! If it's anyone's band it's my band, I'm lead."  
"Band?" I tried really hard to grasp any sense of this.  
"Ok, we're in a band together, Jr.Am. We-" The name sounded familiar. My eyes widened again as I made the connection.  
"Wait, Jr.Am? You're in a band with James?"  
"Woah woah woah wait. You know James?"  
"Yeah, I met him yesterday." I didn't say anything about our meeting today. He said he wanted to surprise them.  
"Man, it really is a small world." Ryder said with a smile on his face. She looked at him like he was an idiot.  
"Shut up Ryder." She shot at him again.  
"Anyway, that's so cool! We should all hang out." Ryder continued despite.  
"I-I don't know. I have work after school..."  
"Oh well how about Saturday." Weren't we going to hang out on Saturday? "Yeah I'm teaching you how to skate and then the rest of the band can meet you."  
"O-ok." I agreed even though I was going to meet them today anyway.  
“Ryder, why do you assume everyone is your friend?”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading <3


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